INFORMATION ABOUT THE STRAHBETTER FAIR IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS TOPIC.
READER BEWARE – LONG ARTICLE
WHERE I OPEN UP ABOUT MY LIFE JOURNEY AND OVERCOMING MY BIGGEST FEARS.
HOW YOU CAN ALSO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS BY LETTING GO AND DIVING DEEP INTO THE UNKNOWN
Hi beloved soul. It is a pleasure to be sharing my deepest thoughts with you today by diving deep into the shadow side of this life. It is fascinating how I had to change my daily plans just to sit down and write this article, firstly for myself, but also to you. After all, we are 1 day away from the Pink Full Moon in Scorpio (23rd of April).
What does the Full Moon in Scorpio mean? First of all, your intuition is usually always heightened around the Full Moon, so it is important to listen to what your soul is telling you or what you feel guided to explore within your psyche. During the Scorpio’s connection with transformative Pluto, the planet of death and rebirth, we may also be reminded that to create space for positive changes, we must release the old, or that which has reached its expiration date and ceased to serve us. Changes are needed so that we can grow spiritually and expand our consciousness beyond what we feel we are capable of. This ties fantastically with today’s topic about various fears and self-doubts we hold within ourselves and how they can create a pathway toward neglecting that, which brings deep joy to our lives.
‘’ I am afraid. I can not do this. What other people will think about me? Nobody will understand. I will be misunderstood. I don’t want to let go of my comfortable life. You are not good enough. ‘’
I am sure you can relate to hearing at least some of these thoughts in your head occasionally. I do and I am not afraid to admit this. Realising that we are not our thoughts but rather just another wave in this never-ending Universal Ocean of energy and vibrations. All is connected and all is sacred and yet these harmful thoughts still linger around from time to time. This is simply how life is, full of pain and happiness, full of joy and sadness, full of love and hate, full of death and rebirth and so on. Until we learn how to become still, witnessing thoughts passing by without any attachments involved, we will never be liberated. We will continue falling down, climbing up and keep going in the same cycle again and again until the time comes to stop and look within to see the world outside.
Today, I feel I am touching on some dark shadows within my being that are yearning to be released once and for all. A part of me that I have been neglecting for so long through the fear of being seen and being heard. We all carry scars and different life experiences that permanently shape who we are. However, that is holy, because we all have individually unique and splendid stories.
My story is of a wounded warrior …
From a very young age, I have been deeply connected to Nature and all its living beings. Life has been great overall, but the first time I was initiated into the Spirit World, happened after a mind-altering experience just at the age of 16 years old. Somebody reading this might judge me right here, but that is alright, I accept all with compassion. Since that ceremony, I have been visited by the spirits every single time I fell asleep. Looking back at it now with all the knowledge I gained over the years, it was the most magical time for me, however, I was very young and had no guidance or elders around me for support. I was simply scared and unsure how to deal with these visitations. My intuition has heightened, I could read people's thoughts and sense what they were feeling.
Being a Catholic, not by my own choice, I always felt disillusioned with the teachings of this religion and rather stayed connected more with my Pagan roots and Žemyna (Pacha Mama) After all, Lithuania was the last country to be Christianised in Europe. Though deeply connected with Nature around me, I have never experienced anything so spiritual and out of this world that I was able to deal with.
I tried to share the spiritual trials with my friends, but they all laughed it off. I told my mum, and she tried her best to support me in any way possible and for that I am deeply grateful. However, these visitations have led me to become overwhelmed with life, subsequently, I began ignoring these spirits instead of interacting or learning from them and thus in return, a complete shutdown of all people around me emerged. I became silent and unable to speak or voice myself because nobody would understand how I felt. The early Shamanic / Astral plane connection with my guides and other realms has placed me towards the darkest period of my entire life - Depression (Dark night of the soul) which I suffered for over 6 years.
The catalyst change to my suffering was the rock-climbing fall in 2014 after which I realised that dramatic life changes were needed if I stay alive. So, the journey towards healing my depression has begun with exercise, meditation, yoga and other holistic or spiritual tools to help me break through the dark walls around me. Sadly, nothing was working, and I kept falling deeper into the darkness. It seemed as if I needed a big KICK to my but, or something so mind-altering, that ego would simply melt away. My yearning for Light has led me to journey to the Amazon jungle in Peru on two different occasions to work with the plants and Kambo medicine. Hand on hard, I can say that it was the most painful and challenging part of life because every single layer of my ego had to be stripped away. The battle between the soul and the ego was chaotic and harrowing to say the least, however, in the end, I totally let go of who I thought I was and instead invited the present moment so that I could learn to observe the life passing by me.
The fear of being heard and seen was gradually diminishing the deeper I dwelled into the Shamanic path or by working with the Sound. I can speak, sing, and voice my emotions more openly now yet not completely free, because I have a purpose and all my agony in the past makes sense. That suffering has placed me on the path towards serving others, holding a sacred space where people can remember how special they are, and that the pain will not last. The pain is needed to deepen the spiritual roots, and this is where we must learn to stop controlling our lives and instead trust the Universe, no matter how painful the reason for our suffering is.
We all have fears, regardless of what we do in life, which is completely normal. We also must learn to dive deep into those fears, to see gorgeous lotus flowers growing afterwards.
My lesson today is that through my fear of being heard, I have neglected a very intimate way of connecting with my community and it is through writing this Blog. So, if you feel the energies of the upcoming Pink Full Moon as deeply and crazily as I feel, then I invite you to be honest with yourself and nurture that part of yourself that you neglected by diving deep into it.
HOW CAN YOU OVERCOME YOUR OWN FEARS?
You can, my dearest one, just like I did, but first, you need to get out of your routine. If travelling is not possible due to severe anxiety or other issues, then go and spend as much time in Nature. Why? Because Nature heals people in ways we will never be able to understand with the human mind or express in any human language. It is a life-altering experience and not something you can read in books… This is why I will not even try to explain it to you, but rather gently guide you towards this Divine experience. Practise staying in the present moment by simply meditating in Nature and allowing yourself to explore the magic of stillness. Then intuitively feel into what fears stop you from nurturing parts of your life that have been neglected for so long. Sit still with the pain and discomfort of working with the Shadow self. The deeper you go into your own Darkness, the quicker you will break the bubble of fear.
If you require more guidance, then please get in touch. Personally, I never had any help from like-minded people when I needed to, so my path is clear. I am here for you so that your own transition out of the darkness is as smooth as possible.
Are you ready to shed the old self and shift your consciousness to Higher realms with me?
If you are then please save the date: 12.05.2024
I will be holding a stall and hosting a workshop at the Strathbetter Fair outside of Inverness:
· Offering taster sessions (Energy healing, mini sound baths)
· Talking about the benefits of Kambo natural detox
· Running a Shamanic Drumming workshop
If you can not make it to the Fair and would love to still work with me, please get in touch. Remember, nobody can heal you, people can hold you in a sacred space, but ultimately it is up to each individual to do the hard work. Are you ready to change and awaken your life?
Blessings,
Ilona